My All in All

Photo by Brigette Billups

One of the first memories I have with Lampley took place in the hospital on her first full day of life. She was snoozing in her bassinet next to my bed. The girl had already shown she was going to be quite the sleeper. And unlike her big sister, Lampley was totally fine with sleeping all swaddled up on her own.

Suddenly, she started to cry. And even though she was hours old I could already tell it wasn’t a hunger cry (although the girl can eat). It was a “mama I need you near me cry’. So I jumped up and gently rubbed my fingers along her cheek and told her over and over “It’s ok Lampley girl, Mama is right here”. Within a handful of seconds she was back asleep, and so was I.

I think about that moment often as I rock her to sleep. I look down at her little face snuggled into my arm and remember how easily I was able to calm her down in that first moment of distress. Thankful that she let me.

These days a rub of the cheek doesn’t quite do the job in terms of getting her to settle. I know she needs more than that now. There are still plenty of moments where I have no idea what to do to make it better when she is so upset. I know I can hold her, I can rock her, I can tell her I love her, and I can pray that she will give me something to help me understand how to make it better. I loose my patience, I get frustrated, but I keep trying to help her because she is my world - it is a honor be the one to comfort, provide, and care for her.

My connection with my daughters isn’t one I can put into words very easily. But when I think about how deep my connection is to them I am overwhelmed at the fact that God knows me even more than I would ever know my own children.

Psalm 139 verses 1-6 reads:

‘You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, to lofty for me to attain.”

Not only does He know me, He knows what I need, where I need to be and what I need to be doing. Such as it is a mother’s role to care, teach, provide, comfort and love her child - it is His job to comfort, to provide, to teach, to care and to love me.

But there are times where the places I end up are not where I want to be. There are times when I am overcome with grief, sadness, frustration, and it leaves me confused. Why this Lord? Why here? Why now? When I am in the pit of those valleys it is hard to find comfort in the fact that He is in control. I cry out to Him in the same way a child cries out for comfort from their mother.

And then I am reminded, sometimes years after the fact, of how He has always been there. How in moments of utter heartbreak He found a way to shine His light, to remind me that even when it makes no sense whatsoever - He will comfort me through each and every joyous and heartbreaking season.

There is a song that sings of how He alone is our comforter. He is our light, our strength, our song. He is firm through the fiercest drought and storm. It is in the love of Christ that we stand. That song, In Christ Alone, is just one of the many that the Lord allows to play through the speakers of my mind when I need to be reminded of how He is working to comfort me.

So today, I encourage you to look for the moments where God is comforting you. It could be a song, a kind word, a funny commercial, or a story from the bible. And it might take some time to find, not because it isn’t there, but sometimes it happens without us even knowing and years later we will see what He was trying to do.

He is there. He wants to hold you as tightly as you want to hold the person you love. Let Him. I promise He will never let go.

Trust the Steps

Picture by Brigette Billups Outfit Details: a TAD More Faith

You always want your kids to advance on to the next skill. When they are teeny tiny you want them to roll over. Next you need them to hold up their own head. Then you want them sitting up. Then crawling. And then of course walking. Putting one foot in front of the other. 

Lampley has started taking some steps in the recent weeks. Because she rolled over at 3 weeks and is already climbing on furniture, (something her older sister never did at this age) I kind of assumed that walking would come easy to her once she decided to give it a try.

But she’s been more timid about committing to walking than anything else she does. The girl will climb a whole flight of stairs with ease but will crumble to the ground after taking a couple of steps. When I get her back up to try again, she just stands there, strong and screaming because she does not want to walk. 

As a second time mom, I’m in no rush for her to walk. But as her mom I don’t want her to be scared to try. Especially when it is something I know she will be good at doing. 

The other day I tried to hold her hand to walk outside and she wouldn’t have it. She wouldn’t hold it. Wouldn’t try. Instead just pulled away and crawled off. I was offering her a trusting hand, a guide, a way to let her know she didn’t have to go at it alone and even still she didn’t want to try. And it got me thinking. 

I wonder how many times God has tried to do that with me. 

I can see all that Lampley will be able to do once she starts walking. I know she will no longer get frustrated because it takes her twice as long to crawl with a toy in her hand then it would to walk. But Lampley doesn’t know that yet. She will, at some point, but not right now. 

God can see all that will happen if I just trust Him with the next step. But I can’t. I can’t right now. One day I will, at some point, but not right now. 

Taking the next step, in your career, your mental health, your relationships, your job, your dream - it doesn’t always feel like you are taking a step on sturdy ground. In fact it feels more like stepping on a wobbly rock at the top of a mountain you’re not totally sure how you climbed up in the first place. But that wobbly rock doesn’t feel as shaky underneath as long as you are holding tightly to something else. 

And what’s that something else going to be. Your fear? Or your Faith. 

In this next year, I want to, I need to, get better at grabbing the hand of God instead of the hand of “what if”. Because no matter what step I take, He’s holding my hand. Even if I head in the wrong direction, He’s still there holding my hand and pulling me back towards Him. God knows our steps. He want us to trust Him. He wants to be apart of them. 

So I pray that whatever next step you are taking as this year starts off that you grab His hand as you begin along. And I pray that He provides you with the security to know which steps are the right ones to take. Trust the steps He leads you on. 

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps” - Proverbs 16:9

Listening Now

I went to post this picture the other day, and as I was typing it, I had a message about Jesus come to mind. But I didn’t add it to my caption because I didn’t want to sit in the moment and try to work through whatever it was He was telling me to write. I just wanted to post about the outfit and move on.

Normally, I listen when He wants me to write something. Just like I’m listening now. But there are times when I am tired. There are times when I am scared. And there are times when I am down right selfish and ignore Him because hearing from Him might make things harder. Better, but harder.

Jesus used stories to teach about God’s love. I was recently reading in Matthew 22 about the parable of the wedding banquet when a verse kind of jumped out at me. The king was throwing a wedding banquet for his son. He invited people to the banquet, but they didn’t want to come. He said “I’ve prepared my dinner; my oxen and fattened cattle have been slaughtered, and everything is ready. Come to the wedding banquet”. But they still didn’t come. They ignored his request to celebrate with the king. When people finally did come to celebrate, the king asked a man why he wasn’t in wedding clothes and how he got there. The man was thrown out of the wedding as the king said, (and this is the verse that grabbed my attention) “For many are invited, but few are chosen.”

We are all invited to listen to God when He is trying to tell us something. We are all invited into a relationship with Him. But we have to decide if we want to work at it, grow with Him, seek Him and create a bond with Jesus that exceeds all other relationships. We are chosen as His children, but is that something we are ready to accept?

God is yearning to speak to you. He is inviting you into the greatest party ever planned. A party that offers wisdom, peace, and promise of a never ending love. So, let’s lean in and listen. Because here’s the thing, I can’t remember what He was trying to teach me when I first shared that picture. I hate that. I hate that I missed it. Here’s the other thing, I serve a God that offers grace, and He is offering it now and teaching me all over again.

Are you ready to listen?

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