Change the Meeting

Each morning I set my alarm in hopes to get up, enjoy a nice hot cup of tea, and sit on this porch to have some time with Jesus. But no matter how early I set my alarm this girl always wakes before it. 

I’ve had a pretty set morning routine for a while now. I read a devotion, either New Morning Mercies or Savor, I write my prayers in my journal, and then I get ready for the day. But lately my quiet time looks more like rushing through the reading and praying for all the things before Lampley gets too worked up and needs me to come rescue her from her crib. I wouldn’t say there is a lot of sitting and listening for what Jesus might be trying to tell me. Call me human but I struggle to keep my focus on what I’m reading when I can also hear Lampley through the monitor. 

Like Lampley, who is constantly changing the schedule on me, I am having to change the way I meet with Him. It’s something that should be easy to do right?! But for a routined (almost OCD person) like me, changing up my meeting time with the Lord is very challenging.  I have a way of spending time with Him that went from learning about Him & growing with Him, to I must complete A,B, C and D or He is going to stop loving me. But that’s not true. He will meet me no matter where I am. Something I’ve always known but haven’t been great at practicing. 

I can pray while I rock my child back to sleep. I can pray while I do the dishes or fold the laundry (thank you Jennie Lusko for reminding me of this). I can pray (for some serious patience) while helping Jane Taylor as she tells me that she can do it herself. My prayers still count and are heard no matter what time or where they are said. 

The meeting may change but the outcome never will. Regardless, He loves me. He wants to connect with me. He wants to be a part of every thought and conversation throughout my entire day. He wants to tell me things in the busy and loud, not just in the quiet. 

He wants us still to learn about Him. To spend time in His word, to read stories of how He has worked in others. But He knows where we are, the seasons we are in, and He is willing to meet us wherever. He leaves the 99 to find you. We only have to engage back with Him. 

“ For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” - Ephesians 3:16-20

Our Favorite Things: Newborn to 3months

The other day I was talking to one of my friends who is expecting her first baby girl about all the things to put on her registry. We talked for an hour about everything we could think of from sleeping, to play, to eating. It got me thinking I should start a series called “our favorite things” to share what we are currently loving. The easiest place to start is with Lampley’s current favorites! Below are some of our top items we have used with her in these first couple months of her life. 

Number One - The Rohm

This is the portable sound machine to the dohm, which I would also recommend. Since Lampley is the sweet second child she has to nap a lot more on the go than Jane Taylor ever did. The Rohm is amazing because it just comes with us. And it truly does. Almost like a 3rd child. I stick it in her car seat with her or next to her in the stroller and it provides that soothing white noise sound that helps her stay asleep on the go

Number Two - The Miracle Swaddle 

We value sleep greatly in this house. When Jane Taylor was learning how to sleep we must have ordered at least half a dozen swaddles. Every time we had a hard night with her sleeping Adam would greet me the next morning with “ok this swaddle has good reviews. It will be here in two days” and we would give another one a try. The Miracle Swaddle ended up being exactly what it says it is, a miracle. So with Lampley we used it from the beginning and she has been doing great. We also really liked the Halo swaddle when Lampley was super tiny. The Miracle Swaddle really pins their arms down (which you want) but it just felt like a lot for her little body those first couple weeks. 

Number Three - Car Seat Cover 

When we are out and about I get more questions about this car seat cover. It’s so easy to put on and off and the zipper in the front makes it easy to check on her while she is in there. It’s stretchy material but tough so I feel like Lampley is good and warm in there. It is also so easy to throw in the wash! 

Number Four - Baby Bjorn Baby Carrier 

With Jane Taylor I never really “wore” her around until she got to be a couples months old and could face forward in our ergo baby. But I knew with Lampley I would have to wear her more because I needed to have hands free to also take care of Jane Taylor. I’ve tried the wraps a million times and was determined to make it work for Lampley, but it didn’t. This was a great alternative to the wrap because I could put her in it even when she was so tiny. Lots of naps are taken in this carrier. It’s much easier to slip on and off, I’ve successfully moved her from the carrier to the crib or swing a handful of times! We love this thing. 

Number Five - Bottles and Bottle Warmer 

Thankfully I am still able to breastfeed Lampley and we are doing great!  I give Lampley a bottle of breastmilk every night. We started this around 3 weeks old so that she would get used to feeding both ways. We used these bottles & bottle warmers with Jane Taylor also! 

Number Six - Play Mat 

Lampley needs all the entertainment possible so when it comes to play time we love this little mat. We also use this mirror for tummy time and catch Lampley talking to herself in it all the time. These flash cards were great too for Lampley to learn how to track objects. 

Number Seven - Nightlight 

Jane Taylor calls this nightlight “the egg”. It was the best thing for us when Lampley was feeding around the clock in the beginning. You can adjust it to make it brighter - so we could see during diaper changes, and darker so I could see enough to feed Lampley but it didn’t wake her up. Best middle of the night feeding tool! 

Number Eight - Portable Diaper Caddy 

I keep this tool in the car fully stocked of diapers and wipes for both the girls. It’s great because when we head out the door packing the diaper bag is one less thing I have to worry about. 

Number Nine - Baby Swing 

One evening we went over to our neighbors house and placed Lampley in their swing. She was asleep in seconds and stayed asleep. So we ordered one right then and there. We have the 4moms Momaroo, but my girls have never slept in it well. The swing has been great for those little catnaps Lampley takes at the end of each day. We have been very happy with this one. 

Number Ten - Baby Bouncer 

Now I’ll start by saying this Baby Bouncer is pricey. However, I love it so much more than the bouncer we used with Jane Taylor. It’s light and easy to move from room to room. It also will grow with Lampley as she grows. 

Keep Healing

I will never forget where I was standing when I got the call from my doctors office. It was late evening on a Monday afternoon. Since it was after 5 I was worried I wouldn’t hear the results of my bloodwork until the next day. The emotions of fear and hope were battling each other in my heart. Hope that maybe everything was going to be ok. Fear that the worst was actually happening. The phone rings. 

“Sweetie. I’m sorry but your numbers have gone down. This is the start of a miscarriage.” 

I did my best to fight back the tears as the nurse finished carefully telling me what to expect and when my follow up appointment would be. She tried hard to be reassuring but I quickly said thank you, hung up the phone and fell to the floor. 

I wasn’t totally surprised. I had gone in on Friday for my first blood test where my numbers showed I was pregnant, but it was early. We told my parents and began to hold our breath. The last time we were pregnant we miscarried. Positive pregnancy test are not the same after that. 

On Saturday I started spotting, but it was different from the last time. I was scared but was reassured by my doctors office that this was normal. 

So I was hopeful because surly it wasn’t going to happen again. Surly this pregnancy was going to end with a baby. The due date was October 15 - which is pregnancy and infant loss day. ”So this is how God is going to rewrite this story. This is going to be a beautiful story.” I remembered thinking once I realized when our baby would be born. 

But the worst happened. My fear came true. The best news and worst news delivered too close together. My heart was broken. My hope started to fade. 

I sat there on the floor of our kitchen shaking in disbelief that this was real all over again. Worrying about if I would have to begin again in the healing process. I had just started to feel normal again after our first loss. And the work was hard y’all. 

Adam quickly rushed over to sit beside me. Jane Taylor waddle her little self over too and put her head on my lap. Through my tears I told her she had another sibling in heaven. I’ll never forget the way her eyes looked at me in that moment.

That was a year ago today. I truly can’t believe it has already been a year, because it feels like just yesterday. 

With Lampley’s arrival it is easier to make a little more sense of the miscarriage. If I hadn’t miscarried, I wouldn’t have Lampley. But Lampley is her own person, pregnancy and story. She doesn’t replace the baby we lost. She is joy, huge amount of joy, after a very dark season. It wasn’t until she was born that I understood the term “rainbow baby”. 

Regardless, I’m still healing. I’m still trying to understand why we lost at all let alone two times. I’m still trying to learn God’s message for me through this, that is if there is one. Losing our babies early in the pregnancy forever changed me. I’m sure at some point it will be for the better. I don’t always understand but I know that God works all things for our good {Romans 8:28}. 

Each day I get up, I throw myself into the word even when I don’t always want to, and I keep trying to heal. I realize that my heart will probably never heal whole again. There will be cracks where pain can creep through. But I am sure that my heart is starting to feel peace. Keyword: Starting. Peace that God is in control. Peace that He loves me, and He loves my family, and He loves my children. If I can just grab hold of that peace a little more each day I know I’ll be able to keep healing. 

I don’t know what you are walking through but I all know we all still healing from something. It could be a loss, a breakup, a friendship, a word that was said about us - I don’t know. But what I do know is we serve a God who heals. He heals the broken-hearted {Psalm 34:18}. He weeps when we do {John 11:35}. He wants to lift us from our brokenness and bring us peace in a new kind of wholeness. So hold tight. Hold so tight to that peace He is offering. And just keep healing. It could take a lifetime but you will heal.   

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.” - Jeremiah 17:14